‘Easy Rider’ or — Born To Be… Bored?

So last night I watched, for the first time in my life, ‘Easy Rider’ (1969), a movie I’d obviously known about for years but had never actually seen… and why did no one tell me it was such meaningless twaddle?!

I guess waiting until I was 50 years old to indulge in its rebellious spirit might’ve had something to do with it… plus the fact I can’t fucking stand the song ‘Born To Be Wild’… or motorbikes… or inane dialogue… or all that West Coast bullshit that might think it’s crying ‘freedom’ but, for me, is actually a warning that The Eagles would be forming in only a couple of years and we should all be very worried indeed.

‘Easy Rider’s story is both nonexistent AND stupid, which is a feat in itself I guess — a couple of friends dick about on their bikes, so it’s basically the opening credits to ‘The Goonies’ (1985) stretched out to a run-time of 90 minutes except not as interesting as that sounds. Not only that but these two assholes are both deeply unlikable characters and deeply toxic, regressive male fantasy figures. It’s a bad sign when I found myself actively WANTING the cops to pull Fonda and Hopper over to the side of the road and indulge in some excessive police brutality.

Plus, not only is ‘Easy Rider’ spectacularly dull but it’s also highly irritating to watch with director Hopper resorting (and flogging to death!) an editing style to transition between scenes that starts off annoying before transcending into the realms of the embarrassing. I just wanted to slap Hopper’s hands away from the editing suite every time he did it or hit him with a stick to make him stop.

Fortunately (spoilers) they both die in the end (yay!) although the incalculable damage these two have wreaked on American cinema and culture has already been done which I think might be the truly frightening nihilistic message of this movie.