‘Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire’ or — Tickled Pink by Chromatic Bliss?

Adam Wingard’s ‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ (2021) was a film short on brains but big on action and if you accepted that trade-off and took the deal you were in for a blast. For the sequel Wingard triples down on both the spectacle and the stupidity, delivering a movie so intentionally idiotic it’s like looking at the Mona Lisa if da Vinci had used Spongebob Squarepants as his model.

Kong is living in the middle of the planet when he has to return to the surface to visit the dentist (I am not making this up). Godzilla, meanwhile, is fighting a giant lobster in Italy and using the Colosseum as a cat-bed.

When a threat from hollow earth threatens the surface world it’s up to Kong and a small team of humans to locate the danger and search for a way to defeat it whilst Godzilla, also aware of the impending peril, remains above ground and levels-up so he’s powerful enough to handle whatever’s coming.

This immediately highlights ‘G x K’s main shortcoming, namely seeing these two team-up isn’t as inherently enticing as watching them fight. So despite all the action we’re not treated to a scene as memorable as the previous film’s battle on an aircraft carrier or the neon-drenched smackdown in Hong Kong.

What Wingard and his team do do, however, is tighten the focus this time round (even if that means somewhat sidelining Godzilla) so the human angle is limited to solely one group of four characters as opposed to being split into separate groups and the monster action is more consistently maintained throughout.

And yes, the script is inane, laughable and cringe-inducing so it’s just as well the bulk of ‘G x K’ is dialogue free with the majority of the interactions conveyed through body language and facial expressions, something which, again, gives all the various titans a real sense of life and character. This is their movie, after all.

But Wingard’s real forte is his handling of the aesthetics of colour so while your eyeballs might be rolling at the appalling writing they’ll be in chromatic heaven as they’re dazzled by some of the most gorgeous hues imaginable. This is best demonstrated when Godzilla emerges from an iceberg against a clear Arctic sky and ocean causing the entire screen to transform into a wondrous display of piercing pinks, snowy whites and crystal blues. It might be the most beautiful image I’ve ever witnessed since I caught my reflection showering this morning.

The action, as with ‘G vs. K’, is ridiculously immense with the climactic showdown (the hard cut to its location is very funny) fully delivering some truly outrageous mayhem that’s not just impressive for its scale and scope but how Wingard keeps these massive behemoths dexterous and nimble as buildings are hurled, punches thrown and blasts of radiation go spurting in every direction.

In fact, the only thing more powerful than the radiation is the serious level of delightful gay energy flying about so what with the two male leads openly flirting, their Hawaiian shirts, cheesy 80’s soundtrack and Godzilla rocking pink down in Rio this version of the giant lizard has less to do with the horrors of nuclear annihilation and more with Olivia Newton-John’s ‘Xanada’ (1980).

‘Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire’ won’t be for everyone. Indeed, it’ll drive anyone without a sense of humour up the fucking wall. But if you can click with its carefully, and intelligently, constructed stupidity you’ll be utterly enchanted.

Personally the film had me at pink Godzilla using the Colosseum as a cat-bed.