‘High Society’ or — Bing Crosby Single-handedly Destroys an Entire Movie?!
Warning — Contains Highly Explicit and Offensive Language.
I adore George Cukor’s ‘The Philadelphia Story’ (1940) so was curious what ‘High Society’ (1956) would bring to the story that was fresh, new and different. Additions include a raft of Cole Porter numbers, gorgeous Technicolor cinematography, strikingly colourful set design, William Tuttle’s glamourous make-up along with Frank Sinatra and Grace Kelly. Nice.
Unfortunately it also includes Bing fucking Crosby who SINGLE-HANDEDLY sinks the entire movie by his mere presence alone. Jesus Christ, it’s not just that ‘High Society’ is nowhere near as good as Cukor’s original but the fact that this badda-da-da-dum-dum-ba-ing bastard renders the film practically unwatchable.
I’ve never been a fan of Bing Crosby so I’m biased as hell. In fact, I hate the smug little prick so much I regularly start every morning with a prayer of gratitude to the Universe that I was born during the era of Lark’s Tongues in Aspic and Topographic Oceans as opposed to his time of retrograde, bland, unlistenable shit as he dribbles out his blithe baritone with all the energetic excitement, urgency and gusto of an anus prolapsing in slow-motion.
An example? Listen to the song ‘Now You Has Jazz’, a Louis Armstrong accompanied celebration of the hot, lustful power of jazz, except hearing Crosby perform the number you’d assume the entire genre of jazz wasn’t invented as a means of dispersing sexual energy but for falling asleep to over a mug of Horlicks. The guy’s not just a musical liability but a musical saboteur.
This is the root of the problem with Crosby appearing in this movie — it’s not that he’s too old for Grace Kelly (although he is) but that he contains ZERO charm, passion or even the sensation of actually being alive to begin with. To make it all worse (and as if that should be even possible) he’s playing the part originally performed by Cary Grant, a man who positively oozed charisma, except now rather than witnessing skillfully pitch-perfect displays of romantic manipulations we instead have to put up with this boring, flat, insipid, insufferable crooning cun…
“Don’t like that kind of crooning, chum!”
“You must be one of the newer fellows!”
See! Even the movie itself knows Bing Crosby’s “singing” style is so old-fashioned it deserves to be held up for mockery and when you’re being told your singing style is old-fashioned by Frank Sinatra then you know you’re in REAL fucking trouble. And these are fun and enjoyable songs as well but any magic is totally annihilated by Crosby’s profoundly anodyne delivery.
Oh, and let’s give Grace Kelly a kicking too while we’re at it because sure, she’s beautiful and elegant etc, but compared to Katherine Hepburn she’s also incurably wet. Take the famous moment when Tracey Lord awakens the day after the alcohol fueled party and steps out into the bright morning light for the first time. Hepburn plays her, and without any fear of looking unglamourous, like Nosferatu emerging from his crypt and it’s funny as hell. When Kelly does the same she just lets out a little squeak and without the slightest sign of the her edifice of beauty being potentially compromised one iota. I blame the director.
I hated, and I mean hated, ‘High Society’ but I don’t think it’s the film’s fault because it’s nicely shot, lavishly staged and there IS a strong musical lurking here somewhere. It’s just a shame it’s hidden and smothered under so much of Crosby’s crooning crap.
He’s a one-man destroyer of both musicals and cinema and I hate the fucking guy.
