‘Strip Nude for Your Killer’ or — Stark Naked Idiocy?

As far as salacious and sleazy movie titles go Andrea Bianchi’s ‘Strip Nude for Your Killer’ (1975) is a doozy. But does the film live up to its lewd and titillating name? Oh yes, because this movie has so… much… NUDITY!

The plot is simple — staff at a Milanese fashion agency are being killed by a mysterious figure wearing a motorcycle helmet and black leathers so it’s up to photographer Magda (an incomprehensibly beautiful Edwige Fenech) and her perma-horny co-worker/boyfriend Carlo (Nino Castelnuovo) to catch the murderer before everyone at the agency ends up dead.

As you can tell, the modelling house location provides plenty of excuses for Bianchi to have his characters in a state of undress, but it’s not as though he needs it because his characters are ALWAYS naked anyway no matter what they’re doing.

At one point we have your typical “woman being stalked by an intruder in her home” sequence with Bianchi’s camera following the victim as she investigates every room looking for the source of some strange noises. We’ve seen it a million times before but it just so happens she is also completely naked… apart from a pair of high heels. You know Tobe Hooper’s ‘Lifeforce’ (1985) where in some scenes the female space vampire walks about totally nude? Well, imagine a movie that’s almost nothing but that for 90 minutes.

In fact, I was sitting there watching it all and thinking to myself with bemused bafflement — “How on earth did Bianchi manage to make a film with MORE nudity in it than you’d find in actual soft-core pornography?!” It’s so brazen you feel he might be taking the piss.

And then we feel he’s really not taking any of this seriously when he repeats the lone victim stalked in their home scenario except this time the scantily clad prey is an exaggerated caricature of the overweight, hairy-backed, sleazy Italian male wandering about in his over-sized white underpants carrying a blow-up doll and crying for his mummy. The thing is Bianchi still shoots him like he’s a beautiful sexy woman hence rendering the entire scene profoundly hilarious in the process.

But Bianchi always was a deeply mischievous filmmaker, forever ready to play with and subvert the tropes of any given genre with a knowing wink, something which made his unhinged masterpiece ‘Burial Ground’ (1981) such an entertaining blast. This playful attitude could put some Giallo fans off, along with the fact that there aren’t any bravura set-pieces along the lines of Bava or Argento, as the film isn’t scary, there’s no tension (I find it’s hard for a movie to generate any form of terrifying dread when it’s crammed with jiggling bum-cheeks and tits) and without an ounce of suspense. What it is, however, is fun. A LOT of fun.

Also, Bianchi may not quite possess the visual flair of his contemporaries but the cinematography by Franco Delli Colli is frequently stunning, a great example being a highly dynamic POV shot of a speeding vehicle tearing through the streets of Milan with the setting sun glowing on the horizon. The use of colour is also a stimulating delight and it’s all nicely complimented by a suitably 70’s jazzy score by Berto Pisano.

One last thing — the film ends on an extraordinarily filthy gag that had me spitting my drink out over my carpet. Basically it’s the same gag that closes ‘Kingsman: The Secret Service’ (2014), but whereas Matthew Vaughn’s crass and obnoxious flick had me rolling my eyes and tutting like a prudish Mary Whitehouse at its misguided “joke” in ‘Strip Nude for Your Killer’ it not only seemed wholly inevitable but the only conceivable way a movie this wilfully puerile could’ve ended.

‘Strip Nude for Your Killer’ will not be for everyone as it’s a truly idiotic slice of Euro-sleaze that’s completely indefensible. The good news is it doesn’t need to be defended because anyone watching a film called ‘Strip Nude for Your Killer’ can’t really complain when they don’t get ‘On Golden Pond’ (1981)… thank god!