‘They All Laughed’ or — Meat Cute?
Ever wondered how far a movie can get on nothing but pure charm alone? The good news is ‘They All Laughed’ (1981) has a precise answer to that question and it’s exactly 45 mins because after a reasonably watchable first half this film, and everyone in it, quickly becomes fucking insufferable.
The plot concerns…
Well, there isn’t one. At all. It’s almost as though writer/director Peter Bogdanovich declared “We don’t need a tightly written story or rounded characters because hell, if I could pull off all that cutesy, screw-ball bumbling so well in ‘What’s Up, Doc?’ (1972) then imagine how much better it’ll be when I take out Buck Henry’s rigourous plotting and shoot nothing but two hours of the fannying about! People will love that, especially if I base all the characters on myself and my friends. I mean sure, we’re all smug assholes but we’re famous and talented so the audience with love that too. Roll cameras!”
The story is non-existent and what is there — three private detectives trail various beautiful women and end up getting turned on by them only for the women to find all this utterly charming and fall in love with these sexually backward assholes — is there to be deliberately discarded and ignored.
Bogdanovich stated that the “plot” only exists to hang off observations and situations exploring the differences between the sexes and the machinations of sexual attraction. Fair enough, but the big problem is the film has nothing to say about any of this other than — men find beautiful women sexy (I’m sorry ladies, but unless you’re conventionally good-looking you don’t get it exist in this universe) and that there’s nothing women find more alluring than being trailed and followed by creepy weirdos because harassment is actually cute and romantic if it involves pratfalls, the inability to sit in a chair properly or simply being a massive prick (besides, it’s not technically ‘stalking’ if it’s done on roller-skates).
This renders ‘They All Laughed’ into nothing more than a shallow male fantasy (no wonder Wes Anderson and Tarantino love this movie so much). Yet what’s most annoying, apart from the fact the majority of the jokes don’t work, is the tsunami of smugness that pours out the screen. This is best exemplified by Ben Gazzara who does NOTHING in this movie (it’s almost as though he’s trying to break the world record for seeing if he can paid for doing the least amount of work) other than minimalistically sashay about with an unchanging half-a-grin permanently fixed on his lips whilst three women fall in love with him even though he’s a cheating shit without possession of a personality other than his ability to slowly glide about New York like a perverted Dalek.
John Ritter, meanwhile, has been outfitted to look exactly like Bogdanovich himself but the real problem is how lovingly Bogdanovich shoots his own simulacrum, as though he’s behind the camera looking at Ritter and whispering to himself in awe “What an unbelievably divine creature!” Narcissus hasn’t just fallen into the pond but is now filming himself splashing about in the water with glee like he’s Esther fucking Williams.
Ritter also sexually harasses every woman he meets but that’s okay because he wears glasses and bumps into the furniture which automatically makes his sexual predation adorable so if you find the idea of a guy failing to control his own body properly hilarious, romantic or endearing then you’ll love this. If, on the other hand, all that seems grating, demented and irredeemably irritating then you’ll end up wanting to punch this movie through a fucking wall (again, no wonder Wes Anderson and Tarantino love this film so much).
Yet what’s even more infuriating about ‘They All Laughed’ (if that’s even possible!) is that it’s extremely well made with Bogdanovich pulling off some seriously impressive stuff on the New York streets that would leave Brian De Palma and Woody Allen turning green with envy. But technical savvy can’t redeem interminable wallowing in self-glorifying vanity, no matter how light the touch.
That undeniably light touch has given the film its fans and, for some people, that contagious, air-borne intoxication does get into their system leaving them feeling somewhat giddy, dizzy and faint… but, then again, so does anthrax.
